Yes, I had a plan. Five months ago I was full of confidence about it. And the fact that I haven't written in as many months doesn't mean that the plan didn't work. It wasn't a wild success, mind you. But it made a dent.
The plan was born of cruel self-examination, and it is characteristically bullet-pointed and compulsive. (To purge those obsessions would've truly been beyond its scope.) It seems odd to say that it's too personal to divulge here, but it probably is. Its primary characteristics are a quest for mindfulness and release from worry. Too much of life escapes my notice. And I'm only beginning to learn that the things that prompt the most anxiety are not the ones that will get you in the end.
Percentage effectiveness? Probably somewhere in the high single digits. But I'll take it, for a start. Even though I almost lost sight of myself many times (the key word being "almost"), most of the time I could conjure up a shadow or a glimmer of recognition.
So it's back to work - refining and recommitting, reintroducing myself.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
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